Worn

In November, I had a week that started with a long rainy drive to the funeral of a very special woman.  My step-father’s aunt was a sweet woman who, along with other family members, always made me feel welcome and part of the family.  This was one of many funerals this year, where I’ve had to say goodbye to someone who lived a good, long life.  It’s always bitter-sweet because you are so thankful that their life touched yours, and in these cases, thankful for the people they were, and thankful that you have the assurance of where their eternal destiny is.  But, at the same time, it’s always sad.  Sad, not only because the world is minus another fabulous individual, but for the breaking hearts of the family left behind.

I was in such a melancholy mood anyway.  Sometimes, life in general can just wear at you.  Just a bunch of normal everyday aggravations like having a pre-teen kid with a smart mouth.  I know. I shouldn’t be surprised.  Between my husband and me, we should totally be expecting kids with Dennis Miller sized sarcasm.  As I was getting ready for the funeral that morning, I decided to listen to some music in an attempt to drown out the sound of pouring rain.  It rained so much in the previous two weeks that I was just sick of it.  November Rain by Guns and Roses popped up on my play list.  I couldn’t help but think, “How appropriate.”  It matched my mood.

Since it was raining and my windshield wipers desperately need replacing, I drove my husband’s truck.  I think the man only listens to Christian music.  There isn’t anything wrong with that, but there is some great music out there that isn’t stuffed into the Christian box.  Any way, almost all of his programmed stations are Christian.  A song came on the radio that I’ve heard a million times before, but never really listened to.  It was Worn by Tenth Avenue North.  Man, did I need to hear that song.

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

During the funeral, this particular pastor honored my aunt’s life by quoting Matthew 22:37-39

  37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

He explained that’s what Aunt Judy did.  She was one of those people that went out of her way to talk to people.  She had a way of always making you feel special.  There are some people that are just gifted socially and she was one of those.

He went on to say that in all his time as a pastor, serving families that had just lost loved ones, the families always talked about two things; God and people.  They never talked about what that person’s financial gain was.  They didn’t discuss what kind of house they had lived in, what kind of car they drove, or what their financial portfolio looked like.  They talked about what kind of person they were and how they touched lives.  At the end of the day, our relationship with God and with others is all that matters.

I thought about the car accident I was in as an 18 year old.  It was one of those that could have been real bad, but wasn’t.  The front of my car was completely mangled, but I was fine.  The milliseconds upon impact, my life flashed before my eyes.  It wasn’t things that I thought of; it was people that had a place in my heart.

When I left the funeral that afternoon, I felt a little lighter.  The small things in life that had been nagging at me didn’t seem as important.  I don’t think the reality check could have come at a better time.  The very next week we had to replace the engine in one of our trucks.  Ouch.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the little things and lose sight of the important things.

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